I find myself asking this question while faced with an opportunity that I had sworn to myself with absolute certainty I would take when the time came. And now that it’s here I find myself hesitant to pull the trigger. And this has got me thinking about how often we say things, either to ourselves or others, that just simply are not true.
Like the guy at the party who yells “where the b*tches at” and then opens up the weather app on his phone the second a girl looks in his direction.
Or the girl that says “I’m so over him” as she checks his Instagram for the 15th time that day from her second account.
“I’m not addicted to weed I can quit any time I want” says the person who can’t start their day without lighting one first.
It’s fascinating how often we convince ourselves that we want something or that we’re going to do something, only to go against our own words when the moment of action arrives, and then weaving an intricate tale as to why you actually haven’t done as you said you would. It’s in these moments that we’re confronted by the struggle between our personal wants and desires and the complex workings of our own psychology.
So why do we tell ourselves these lies? Maybe it’s because sub-consciously we know the “right” things we should be doing to be the best version of ourselves, and we feel that by verbalizing our intentions it will carry over into action. I imagine we all have an ideal version of ourselves in our head, a person who’s the image of health, ambition, confidence and success.
But if we know better then why don’t we do better? The fear of failure, the uncertainty of the unknown, and the comfort of familiarity all stand in the way between our aspirations and our actions. And it’s precisely in those moments, when we catch ourselves going back on our words that we need to hold ourselves accountable and double down on the things we told ourselves we would do and make decisions that resonate with that version of yourself you have in your head. Even as I write this, it’s not so much for the sake of giving someone else advice but a way to confront myself about my own inaction, to call myself out on my own bullshit.
Hold yourself accountable. Don’t put off until “tomorrow” what you can do today. Because there will always be another tomorrow…until there isn’t.
Don’t pick up that extra cookie when you said you’d start your diet today.
Don’t make fun of someone after having reposted something about mental health to your story.
Go out and meet those new people you said you would despite your fears and anxiousness.
Acknowledge that the process of self-actualization is not linear but filled with twists and turns, detours and roadblocks. But also realize that it requires conscious action. No one is perfect, you will mess up and you will sometimes do the opposite of what you said you would, but that has to be the exception and not the norm. Because with each empty promise that you break the value of your word diminishes, and with it your character. No one wants to be known as the person that’s just all talk. Even if you go back on your word and no one else knows about it, at the back of your mind you’ll know, and hey maybe you’re ok with that, but that’s between you and you though.
You might not actually be the person you claim to be today, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be that person tomorrow. Just make sure it’s ACTUALLY tomorrow and not just another empty promise.
I’ll end here with the quote that partially inspired me to write this:
“You don’t become confident by shouting affirmations in the mirror but by having a stack of undeniable proof that you are who you say you are.”
–Alex Hormozi.